观察自己
婧和我在中国待了一个月，我同样经历着我们上次来这里时经历的一些事情。那就是：保持安静，不发表我的意见，不为了谈话而说话。这对我来说是很困难的，因为当我和朋友们在一起时，我喜欢说话，把我的想法表达出来，并且经常用玩笑来触发团队的情绪按钮。
我记得玛格丽特在教学时谈到她的“戏剧皇后”习惯。她一直不知道自己的这个问题，直到有一天她让一个女士租了她的公寓。结果发现，这位女士是一个在生活中很戏剧化的演员，即使是在生活中的一些小事上，她都能表演到获得奥斯卡奖的程度。玛格丽特说，有一天，当她意识到自己在看镜子时，她有了“幡然醒悟”的时刻。宇宙通过这个女士为她提供了一面镜子，帮助她看到自己需要改变的一面。
因此，由于语言障碍，在婧的家乡呆的时间里，不懂当地语言所带来的障碍是我无法克服的。除非琼给我翻译，我不得不静静地坐在那里，通过观看在餐桌上人们对话时的肢体语言来帮助自己。当婧的侄子，一个30岁左右的年轻人严肃地告诉他的母亲，她和婧在当地公园散步时采野菜地做法是违法的时，我不得不咯咯地笑。他是当地的法官，他告诉他的母亲，如果她们在他所在的地方上采了野菜，他会让他们付罚款，并因为违法而把他们关进监狱。很有意思的是，他不是在开玩笑。我觉得这很有趣，因为他的母亲实际上是省监狱系统的一名高级管理员。虽然我不知道他们当时在说什么，但我通过观察他和他的小姨妈之间的激烈交流时的肢体语言，感到他的小姨妈似乎在为他的母亲进行辩护。当他妈妈和婧高兴地从公园的草地上采了野菜给大家看时，他就开始批评她们了。当婧在挑选这些野菜时，使我想起了她告诉我的故事。在文化大革命期间，当他们没有东西吃的时候，他们就到野地里采野菜吃。但是，这个侄子没有他姑妈（婧）和他母亲那样的生活经历，现在他把自己的观点以法的名义用到这些小事上，更有意思的是他对其他人的行为施以权威。我们经常处于这种通常导致分歧和争论的情况。弥勒常说，“你们每个人在自己的真理中都是正确的，但你们争论对错只是在浪费能量。你想过能用这种被浪费在争论中的能量为自己彰显些什么吗？“
如果我想说那个年轻人不是我，那我就是在对自己撒谎。成为周围人的观察者是一回事，但如果我们开始观察自己，这就·会有所帮助。我想我会努力改头换面，继续我目前的无声状况，即使我明白一旦回到美国后我能听到周围的人在说什么。我希望自己能够坚持一周，至少能坚持几天。我知道科琳会喜欢我不再用我的俏皮话去触发她的情感按钮！LOL
祝你们一个月愉快，
艾伦·麦克洛伊
Watching Yourself
By Alan McElroy
Jean and I are visiting China for a month and I am experiencing something that I encountered the last time we were here. That would be, being quiet, not voicing my opinion, not talking for the sake of talking. This is difficult for me, because when among friends, I tend to speak up and make my thoughts known and quite often joke around to push the emotional buttons of the group.
I remember Margaret teaching about her being a “Drama Queen” until one day she had an actress rent her apartment. As the story went, the lady would give an Oscar winning performance over some trivial matter and Margaret said one day, she had her “ah-ha” moment as she realized she was watching a mirror image of herself. The Universe was providing her a mirror to assist her to look at an aspect of herself that needed changing.
So, with the language barrier here in Jean’s province being insurmountable unless Jean translates, I am forced to sit in silence and watch the body language as the verbal sparring goes on around the dinner table. I had to chuckle as a young 30-year old young man (Jean’s nephew), who holds a local judgeship tell his mother who had picked some wild herbs from the local park with Jean on our walk that if they did it in his town, he would make them pay a monetary fine, and put them in jail for breaking the law. Ironically, he wasn’t kidding. I found it amusing, because his mother is actually, a very senior administrator in the province prison system. I didn’t know exactly what they were talking about at the time, but I knew the forceful exchange with his younger aunt who appeared to be defending his mother’s actions and the nephew started when the mother proudly pulled out the green leaves that her and Jean had plucked from the grass in the park to show everyone. When Jean was picking them, I was reminded of her telling me that during the cultural revolution when they had nothing to eat, that any green leaf they could find they picked and ate. But, the son did not have that perspective or life experience of his aunt or mother and now he was imposing his views in the name of probably some minor local ordinance, but scarier, his authority over other people’s actions. We are often in these situations and they lead to disagreements and arguments. Maitreya would often say, “each one of you is correct in your own truth, but your argument is just a waste of energy, what could you be manifesting with that energy?”
I would like to say that the young man wasn’t me, but I would only be lying to myself. It’s one thing to become the observer of those around us, but it would help if we started with observing ourselves. I think I’ll try to turn over a new leaf and try to carry on my current voice-less situation even when I understand what is being said around me once I return home. I’ll shoot for 1-week and hopefully make it at least a few days. I know Korinne would really love me not pushing her emotional-buttons all the time with my wisecracks! LOL
Have a great month,
Alan McElroy